In all its AI-powered wisdom, Facebook has made it impossible to create a pinned post in the group like before. The post that goes into more detail about the rules. So until they get their act together, I’ll post the same information here:
READ THIS FIRST BEFORE POSTING ANYTHING…
Welcome to the group!
This is a moderated community for people who want to talk about martial arts, self-defense and related issues. The goal is to have a constructive dynamic that allows us to discuss things and help each other out. In order to achieve that, there are rules you need to adhere to. Why so many of them? Because I’ve been on the internet for well over 20 years and have seen countless forums and groups disintegrate due to lack of rules. If we want this place to be different and worth our time, we need to be on the same page. All of us.
The rules are non-negotiable, and I am the final arbiter (aka Lord of the Land) on all conflicts. You will abide by my rule and decisions on it, zero tolerance for bullshit. Oh yeah, answer the admission questions or you won’t get in. Period.
Before you read the rules, meet Crom, who enforces them… https://www.facebook.com/…/g.61022…/2944839968901055/…
Try to make sure Crom stays on his throne and doesn’t have to bother paying attention to you…
That said, here goes.
1: You are not Ares, God Of War. You don’t know everything about violence. In fact, there is a lot you have no clue about and the same goes for me and everybody else. Come to this place with some humility and an open mind so we can all learn from each other.
2: Don’t be a dick. Don’t come here to show off, demean others, carpet-bomb the group with posts, write anthology-sized comments, settle beefs you have outside this group, show how smart you are, use your razor-wit to ridicule others, act passive-aggressive, get all triggered and outraged over everything, no ad hominem, othering or personal attacks of any kind. If you can’t be civil, shut up or walk away.
3: Discuss in good faith or shut up. If you don’t know what that means, try this chart: https://www.wimsblog.com/…/2014/03/rational-discussion.jpg
If you are unwilling or unable to discuss like this, then leave or shut up. Because this is what discussing in good faith looks like, not anything else. The value of the discussion lies in the exchange, not in “winning” or proving the other “wrong.” And there is nothing wrong with not engaging in a discussion that you know will set you off to break the rules. Just let it go and go discuss another topic.
4: Accept to agree to disagree. Many discussions come to a point where all is said that could be said and going further is pointless. That’s fine, just agree to disagree, shake virtual hands, thank the other for his time and move on. That is what adults and good faith actors do. Assholes do the opposite…
5: He who asserts must prove. This is a standard rule for most debates and I agree with it. If you make a claim, you must provide proof for it. Cite the sources from where you got the facts you are presenting, meaning: quote scientific research, books or other primary sources. Wikipedia is not an acceptable source (don’t get me started), nor is some blog by some guy from wherever. If you got it from a secondary source, that is fine but qualify it as such. As in “I heard this from my father/teacher/instructor.” If you speak of personal experience, again say so and be prepared to give details as to the specific experiences that lead to your conclusions. If you are just stating your general opinion, that is also fine but you also have to qualify it as such. You are allowed to have opinions and others are allowed to agree and disagree with them by having their own. But opinions are not facts and should not be presented as such.
Along with this rule comes the option to call somebody out. This means you ask the person to specifically state where he got his fact/opinion from. You can do so in a variety of ways:
“I’m calling you out.”
“Please prove that.”
“Citations and proof requested.”
These are my preferred ways of doing so and I would appreciate it if you use them or slight variations of these.
Do not constantly call people out to shut them up or derail the conversation. That is a dick move. Use it in good faith or shut up.
6: No advertisements, promotions or any other commercial activities. I don’t care which product/service/website/social media page/other group, etc. you want to plug or sell. Or which teacher/instructor/whatever you think is awesome. Don’t do it. You will be banned without explanation or possible rehabilitation. You can blame all the assholes who came before you and spammed the hell out of my email, blog and social media accounts.
I make a tentative exception for answering questions from members. E.g.: https://www.facebook.com/groups/YouAreNotAres/posts/1250485405756429/ Patrick asked a question and both Dan and I mentioned a specific book. That is fine. In the same discussion, links to other websites and articles were mentioned. That is fine too. However, if you try to abuse this exception to circumvent the rule, then I will squash it. Again, act in good faith or leave. See rule #12.
7: No religion. You hate/love a religion? Shut up about it. You believe or don’t believe in a God? Shut up about it. Religion is not allowed here. Period.
8: You have a question? Look it up on Google first for at least 15 minutes. Do the work before you want others to do it for you. A community is all about helping each other, but do not abuse that privilege. Or think it is self-evident that everybody will ask “how high?” when you say “Jump!”
9: Humor is a double-edged sword. One of the best ways of pissing people off is by attempting to make jokes. Wait a few weeks until you get a feel for the group and all who are in it and even then, be careful. This applies especially when you see people who have known each other for years joking around and you want to jump in. Don’t. Establish a positive relationship first so you know each other well enough by the time the fun starts.
Also, don’t constantly interject humor when members are trying to have a discussion. It breaks the flow of the arguments and makes you the kid among the adults who screams “look at me!!!!” Don’t be a child…
Also: USE EMOTICONS! The reason why so many attempts at humor blow up is that the other party doesn’t know you’re trying to be funny. Just use emoticons and make it clear to begin with, especially if you are new to the group.
10: Copyright. What you write and post here is yours if it is original work or content. The same goes for everybody else. Do not use posts of others without permission. That includes making screenshots and posting them elsewhere. If you are a good faith actor, all you have to do is ask the person for permission. And then it’s up to them to give it or not. If you don’t get it, let it go. If you get it, give credit to the original author.
11: Be clear. Don’t do drive-by posts: posting a link, picture, or whatever with zero context as to your point. Write a minimum of one sentence of explanation so everybody is clear as to what you mean or what your goal is.
Do NOT assume everybody will automatically get it: this group has members from all over the world, from a variety of cultural and personal backgrounds. What is evidently funny or clear to you is not by default so to others and vice versa. If you want them to take into consideration what you are posting, give them the courtesy of not forcing them to guess what it means. You may not like their interpretation and you’ll piss me off too.
12: When in doubt re. any of these rules, ASK ME FIRST. If you’re the kind of person who thinks asking forgiveness is better than asking permission, then you can kiss my ass and fuck right off. The rules are here to keep the group manageable, to avoid conflicts, to avoid spammers, to avoid flame wars, to avoid this kind of shit spilling over into real life and so much more. All things I have seen happen in the past in other groups, up to and including the murder of a well-known instructor. The latter is not hyperbole, it happened: https://currythief.blogspot.com/2018/04/it-finally-happened.html And it is by far not the only example.
If you think you’re soooooo damn special that you should get a pass, you can take your planet-sized ego elsewhere and leave us alone.
13: Politics and ideology are allowed but on a strict leash:
- Discuss people and policies, not parties.
- If you cannot call out “your” side when they pull bullshit nonsense, don’t call out the “other” side either. Be principled, not partisan.
- No ad hominem, name calling or othering.
- Discuss in good faith or stay silent. The goal is to find common ground, not destroy the other party.
- Discuss rationally. Once again, see the graph here: https://wimsblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/rational-discussion.jpg
- He who becomes emotional or loses his temper loses the argument. That includes passive-aggressive responses or trying to use rapier wit to ridicule the opposing party.
- Stop when the discussion has run its course when all points have been made.
- Avoid using fallacies. We are all prone to them as we are human, but work hard to avoid them and correct yourself when you do. Here’s a list… https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_fallacies
- No carpet bombing with epic-length posts. No brigading or trolling. No enigmatic posting, no posting anything without a minimum of context.
- The goal of a discussion is an exchange of ideas, sharpening your own arguments, understanding the other side better, etc. The goal is not to destroy the other party, prove them wrong or convert them to your position. If you can’t stick to that, shut up or disengage when you catch yourself in that mindset
- I am the ultimate arbiter on my social media and will revise the rules as I see fit. I also decide how these rules are applied. Don’t like it? Plenty of other pages to go to.
- Most of all, my social media are not focused on politics or ideology. These are by far not the topics I want to discuss the most. So if the comments skew too much that way, I will intervene.
Read the rules, stick to them and join the fun.
If you can’t or won’t, leave.